Weekend Page Turner

When people walk out of our lives we sometimes have a tendency to replay all of the good memories that were shared. Sometimes our minds drift to the possibility of doing things differently to thwart off the present outcome.

We sometimes downplay arguments or think about moments when we over reacted. We sometimes assume all of the blame or we completely blame the other person.

The truth is that it wouldn’t have mattered either way.

There was nothing to be said or done that would’ve “fixed” whatever was wrong.

I posted on Sunday about trusting the process now it’s time to close the damn door.

Holding on to the possibility of reuniting with the person that walked out of your life keeps you stuck in the past. You are frozen. You are walking backward.

You cannot change what’s no longer in front of you.

There is a difference between mourning and grieving. You need to know the difference.

Grief is a natural reaction to a loss. ElisabethKubler Ross outlines the stages of grief as follows:

·         Denial

·         Anger

·         Bargaining

·         Depression

·         Acceptance

The thing about these phases is that they are not linear. You may regress or go through the stages a few times before finally accepting the reality of this new condition. It is natural to feel all of this. The key is to recognize it and if it gets too much, go seek professional help.

Mourning is much like grieving, but I believe mourning to be more an act of sadness like to wear black, to put a face on a t-shirt or to “pour out a little liquor”. There comes a time when mourning is a choice.

We leave the space in the bed where they used to lay untouched.

We keep the toothbrush in the holder.

We hold on to shirts, cologne or boxers.

We remind ourselves of all of the things that made us smile.

This is natural for a while, but the thing is, it can stifle your growth. 

You can begin to compare everyone to this person. There’s a point when it becomes negative. I believe that mourning can become useless.

You have to make the choice to appreciate the past for what it was.   

You can hold those memories and smile. You can apply the lessons learned to current and new situations.

It may be hard to move on, but you have to trust the process.

A couple of months ago one of my peoples posted a smiling selfie with a caption reading, “8 months ago I broke up with my best friend. And I didn't think I'd get over it but look at me now...back shining again.”

What she didn’t’ know was that I was going through the same process.

She accepted her reality. I have accepted my reality.      

You have to accept your own reality as it is and not focused on how it should have been.

You continue to hold the door open and nothing but a breeze is blowing through.

What did your grandmother used to say when one of you would keep the door open too long?

My grandmother would say, “Boy, if you don’t close that damn door, you better now!”

Won’t you close your door?