“Be yourself- not your idea of what you think somebody else's idea of yourself should be.”
― Henry David Thoreau
― Henry David Thoreau
This is the most difficult part of growth.
We are constantly in the wilderness of someone else’s expectation of our lives. Parents with limited experiences often project images of what they think we should be, what kind of life we should have, what our educational levels should be or what our vocations should be.
Then there is society’s judgment of what a productive citizen should embody—blue collar, white collar, tax payer, and voter, jury participant, neighborhood watch and decent parent.
Our voices get absorbed into the chorus of multiple selections through songs that we have not authored or produced.
We begin to make decisions based on what we thought they wanted us to be. And no matter how successful we become in those endeavors we still long for that solo.
At some point you are going to have to say, “Fuck it!”
Very few people on this earth will ever completely understand why you make certain choices. Most of them will only look to pass judgment based on what they could or could not achieve, or how they view themselves.
There is so much liberty in the “fuck it" attitude!
I’m referring to the refined attitude of 60- and 70-year-old gentlemen sitting in the “hole in the wall” after a long week’s work, reflecting on life’s lessons while throwing down whiskey and High Life.
I mean a responsible “Fuck it”.
It’s taking authority and control over your thoughts and actions. It’s understanding that despite all of the mistakes that you have made God isn’t done with you yet.
You are a beautiful contradiction.
You have so much more to offer.
There is so much more to life than reading rants from miserable people.
You are not your mistakes, but you have so much life left to live.
You have so many untapped gifts.
The hypocrites believe that they have made every right choice and wish to tell you how you should act/react from a perspective of personal gain. This high and mighty point of view is often demeaning, tightens around your gut and increases anxiety because all you really want is their affirmation, approval and love.
I have learned that we have to love ourselves enough to want to be free.
We have to turn off the radio, disconnect from social media, get space from the usual characters and tune into the voice of your conscience.
This will take work.
You will encounter the five stages of loss and grief coined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
As a Licensed Social Worker, I can affirm that the stages are not lineal—that is to say that you may experience them in the order not listed. It’s cool. Be patient with yourself. Seek some help if you need to. The ultimate goal is to know your voice from all others.
“Trust the process,” Dr. Kimya Barden, one of my graduate school professors at Loyola University Chicago, told me. “And then process the process.”
It took a while to grasp the concept, but I finally get it. It was the framework that I used to reacquaint myself with my own voice.
I wanted to grow beyond what my parents said, beyond the constraints of friends and society.
I desired to be myself.